Marital intimacy
25 February 2010

Many disappointed husbands have been emailing us complaining about their wives. According to them, when their wives were nonbelievers, they were far more of a “woman”. It seems that after becoming a born again Christians they “deleted” their sexual desires.

There are even those who complain that their conjugal act now happens less than before. I’m sure the devil is loving this situation because there’s nothing more damaging to a marriage than when both spouses don’t see eye to eye in regards to the sacred union of marriage.

I can say from personal experience that the future of a happy marriage begins in the bedroom. The couple can be filled with the Holy Spirit but if they’re not sexually active they’re unlikely going to be faithful to each other.

The conjugal act in a marriage is like the daily nourishment of our physical body. No one can disagree that our sexual appetite is like our appetite for food, because both are part of human nature, created by God. Of course there are some exceptions, like in the case of a eunuch, but in general, there is no dismissing or pretending not to have this desire.

I know that among evangelicals there is tremendous hypocrisy regarding this issue. Many of my colleagues from other denominations have considered the conjugal act as something carnal and demonic; as if sex had been created in hell. This ignorance has also spread among the converted to the point that many are ignoring their spousal obligations.

If the conjugal act is carnal or demonic, my wife and I are of the flesh and in need of deliverance. Furthermore, I must confess that the more we relate sexually, the closer and more attached we grow to each other.

The truth is that the lack of faith with intelligence has led many Christians to failure, beginning with their marriage.

Just the other day someone wrote to me saying, “I’ve been married for 23 years. I like my wife and it’s great to have her at my side at all times. I’m very sexually attracted to her and I’m not disgusted by her or lack desire for her in any way. But I must confess that my sex life leaves much to be desired. While I have sexual urges 2 to 3 times a week, my wife is happy with just once a month. If I seek her more than that, after giving me a ton of the same old excuses, she finally gives in but does things with total disinterest. My wife is a blessed assistant, full of the virtues that only someone of God could possess… but she thinks that sex is a bad and dirty thing before God. This has made our relationship a disaster because I’m always unsatisfied and unable to hide it … This bothers me very much, because like we’ve learned, we shouldn’t miss the things we used to do in the world, but I miss (I really miss) how our sex life was before our conversion. And on top of always being unsatisfied, I’m often tempted to desire other women even though I know it’s wrong.”

I wonder how this assistant would counsel a wife in a reverse situation—where the wife would be the one wanting more intimacy, and not the husband.

The apostle Paul clearly instructs us regarding this subject when he says:

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)

The Lord, through Solomon, teaches the following in respect to the conjugal act between husband and wife:

After urging His son to obey God’s Word and warning him about the adulterous woman, He says:

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?” (Proverbs 5:15-20)

The water symbolises the conjugal act; the cistern and the well, his wife. “Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers” means that if he doesn’t fulfil her needs, somebody else will!

“May your fountain be blessed [...] May her breasts satisfy you [...] May you ever be captivated by her love.” These are strong sexual expressions between a married couple.

My attention is drawn to the act of being “drunk” with love. And what do you, my dear Christian, have to say about that? And you, heartless assistant, what do you have to say in regards to these Biblical words?

How long will you keep up this division in your bed; giving the devil the opportunity to tempt your husband?

Know that if he falls into temptation, you will be held accountable.

May God open everyone’s eyes in the name of the Lord Jesus, amen!

God bless you abundantly

Bishop Macedo